Daddy's Little Slugger

When Declan was born, I remember feeling a tremendous sense
of relief that I'd be, for once, a stay-at-home mom. I got a part-time job
teaching at a community college and split the time with Nick--every other day,
I got to be home with my baby. We were proud of our non-descript gender roles
and split every conceivable household chore. Then we moved to New York, and
money just wasn't as easy to come by as it used to be.
Classes at the dumpy community college in Brooklyn were hard
to come by, forcing us to re-evaluate our job situation. Nick took to the job
market, scouring for full-time gigs with benefits (wholly underappreciated and
necessary). Money troubles and job
stress threatened to cause problems, and despite our full effort to stave off
the storm, we were headed for a typical marital stress.
"Hurricane Irene" made its way to New York in
August. My brother came to stay with us so that we could take cover together,
and the pitiful excuse for a tropical storm (not that I'm complaining) gave us
an excuse to sit together, three thirty-something's, and to re-evaluate our
career paths. Despite a substantial amount of education between us, we bemoaned
our job situations, likening our job positions to sexually-abused starfish. And
that's when I got the call.
Or the text message, to be fair. A friend asked if I would
be willing to take a full-time teaching job in New Jersey. Full time. Benefits.
Salary. Consistency. Did I want it? Would I be willing to go back to work full
time, to leave Declan, to be a working mom? Would Nick be willing to take on
the "house-husband" role?
The "storm" raged, more like a tropical disaster
on Prozac, and I made the decision. As a few twigs shrugged and took a short
jump from our tree, I decided that it was worth everything I'd be giving up.
Sure, I'd miss out on being a stay-at-home mom, but at least we'd have
stability, insurance, and a retirement plan.
I will skip over the following events which led me instead
to a New York City charter school, and the security that we needed as a small
family living in the most expensive city in the country. I love my job, and it
has made everything more feasible for us, blah blah blah.
Now, I come home from work to Declan, who is noticeably mad
at me. He goes to Nick when he gets hurt, when he is scared, when he wakes up
in the middle of the night. Often, when I go to pick him up, he arches his back
and cries in the other direction, refusing to look at me. These nights break my
heart.
It isn't always like this. Usually it takes him a day or so
to warm up to me on weekends, so by Sunday afternoon he is perfectly content to
be with Mommy and to cuddle and all of those things that I've always wanted (as
a perpetual step-parent) from my child. But then I go back to work the next
day, and the cycle repeats itself.
Today I came home late, as I had grades to turn in and
teenagers to listen to, and as I gave him his bath, which I make sure to do
every single night, I asked him to say "I love you, Mommy." His response
was, "Nope." I asked him again and again, "Decky, please say 'I
love you.' I miss you so much all
day!" Instead, he grabbed his toy car and looked at me and hid it behind
his back with a defiant, "Mine." Ok,
I thought, he's almost two, no offense
taken if he doesn't feel like saying he loves me. And I put him in his
puppy dog jammies (and I add this for emotional, dramatic effect) and took him
to Nick to say goodnight. Nick gave him a kiss, and Declan voluntarily, after
looking directly at me and then back at his Daddy, responded with "I love
you!"
Did that hurt my feelings? Absolutely. Do I get jealous when
I watch Declan run around in the yard with his Dad, and see the spectacular
bond that they have? Yes, I do. But I also know that I'm doing what I have to
do for my family, and that, like everything else, he will go through phases as
a Daddy's boy and hopefully, some day, as a Mama's boy. Sometimes I feel
lonely, kind of like I did right after I gave birth and my stomach was empty.
But right now I just think that I'm lucky to have his Daddy taking care of him
instead of a stranger, who probably goes home and hates her job and feels like
another sexually abused starfish.

Let's Talk About Sex

When we were growing up, our parents did not talk about sex, especially not as a positive aspect of a relationship. It was a very "hush hush" topic and since we weren't supposed to do it until we got married (bingo--Catholic family upbringing), why even talk about it? Mom edited out 'sex' scenes (a.k.a. partial nudity shots and suggestive making out) from movies like "Teen Wolf" and "Grease" and didn't allow us to listen to "sexy" songs like "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men (laugh it up) or "Crash" by Dave Mathews. This is all fine, and I am sure I will try and attempt the same things, even though the kids at school will gladly fill Emma, Declan, and Isabella in on all of the grimy details. However, as a result of all this "sex and nakedness is a no-no" upbringing, Melissa and I are a little modest when it comes to talking about sex and regarding our bodies. We seriously didn't even change in front of each other (sisters, mind you) without hiding all of our private parts with a towel or shirt or something within reach, and we shared a room for 18 years. Talk about a 'hidden' talent we both have now.

Now that we are both married, and God has sanctified our bond and we've gotten the green light to "know" our husbands (biblically speaking, of course), and now that we aren't going to be judged for talking about it, we enjoy the topic of sex. Not only because it is like turning 21 and drinking legally at a restaurant in front of your parents, but because it is very important in a marriage to keep your sex life alive and exciting!

Have you ever gone through a dry spell where you and your partner have not had sex in a few days, weeks, even months because you all have been busy, tired, had visitors, forgot to shave, or just feel fat? Your relationship starts to lose something, real or conceived, and you feel that the two of you begin to drift apart. Whether a wry comment by your husband about his being neglected or a smug anecdote from a friend about how she and her hubby had the most "AMAZING night," you are pushed into action. And the moment you decide to have sex, in those very precious moments afterward, you feel close to your husband again. You have bonded and the loving words just flood out of your mouth (prompting an "Are you drunk?" comment from one of you). What an amazing feeling that is! Then you think, Why dont we do this more often? And why don't you? You need to!

Of course, everyone is different when it comes to their view on how much sex is enough. Is it twice a day, twice a week, twice a month, twice a year? Many of us may think that we don't do it enough (because others may say they do it too frequently...they are lying). This is where communication is the key. It's better to discuss with your partner so that you meet in the middle.

Problem two: We don't always feel like it. And I will speak for women, here, since I can't very accurately tell you what a man thinks (although that's not exactly a tough one). So, what makes a woman want to have sex? I know, for most of us, it is when we feel sexy--when our legs are shaved and we are feeling particularly beautiful, it is ON! So, why not do these things to kick it up a notch?

1. Always have lingerie on hand! I would say 3-4 different outfits. You can even share with your sister or maybe your best best best friend. (and no, its not gross, you only wear it for a few minutes anyway) Put on that lingerie when they least expect it!

2. Keep a candle or two by your bed along with matches or a lighter. This way you can set the mood at the drop of a hat.

3. Even though unexpected sex is so much fun, you can also plan for it. Some days I wake up and think 'tonight, we are going to do it!' So I make sure I shave all of my special places, put on deodorant (because some days I forget), put on perfume, and brush my teeth for an extra "happy birthday song," make sure we are stocked with wine, etc...

4. If you are not confident enough to put on lingerie or talk dirty, MAKE YOURSELF! The more you do it, the better you will get at it and the more confident you will feel. I definitely don't think of myself as a hot sex pot, or whatever. But, I know how to act like one. I watch movies. So the more you force yourself to be a Megan Fox, the more you will feel like one!

5.Exercise! Your sexual health is connected to your overall health. Eating right and exercising will give you the energy to keep up with your sex life. Also, it is very sexy when your guy sees you taking care of your body. I totally catch Jesse checking me out at the gym when I am running. ;)

*note from Melissa--not all of us are lucky enough to be at the gym with a spouse, so don't feel sad if that doesn't ring a bell. However, excercise will improve a woman's body confidence, hence the willingness to shed clothing in front of her man.

6. Talk about sex. The day after a hot night, text your partner and say something like 'I was just remembering yada yada about last night and it made me miss you!' or 'You are the hottest man I know and you are soooo good at what you do!' It may sound cheesy and silly but play the part. Dont you want your hubby to be thinking about you while he is at work? Don't you want his coworkers and buddies to wish they had a wife/girlfriend like you?

7. Give him a hug! Ian Kerner says that "Non-sexual physical intimacy builds a foundation for sexual desire. Studies show that a 20-second hug raises oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is also known as the 'cuddle hormone' and facilitates a sense of love and connection, especially in women. Most couples don't take time to hug at all, much less for 20 seconds. " So take a time out. And hug. Twenty seconds lost is really no time at all.

8. Turn off the TV! Focus on your partner after you put the kids to bed. Pour a glass of wine and cuddle. Talk. Do it. Too many hours of precious couple time are wasted on Facebook and watching TV.

9. Let him take some pictures of you! Maybe with his phone so he can check you out anytime of the day. Or maybe take a sexy picture of yourself and send it to him. (just make sure you dont send it to the wrong person)

10. Like Nike, "Just Do It!"

What has caused sex to drop to the bottom of our to do list? Recently, I have read it is due to a number of reasons: obesity, medications, people are too busy, people are too tired, people are stressed out because of the recession, etc. Recently, CNN reported that 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages. I am not trying to sound like Cosmopolitan magazine (I can barely read the cover of the magazine before my Catholic genes order me to blush) but I am just sharing something I have come to realize. You all may already know these things, but it is always nice to talk about sex anyway.

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Dear Scale...

Dear Scale,

I must write to you today because I feel you have let me down again. We have been through a lot, but no matter how hard I try, you always seem to make me feel bad about myself. I have been in relationships before, but nothing has ever been this inconsistent, unreliable and abusive as this one. Some days you are generous and make me feel good and somedays you are just downright mean. I try and try every day to make you treat me well--I do everything in my power. Sometimes it seems that the harder I try, worse you are to me. And if I slip up just once, you tell me horrible things that absolutely ruin my day.

But no matter how often I tell myself to just walk away from you, ignore you, hide you, or even throw you out the window, I just can't seem to let you go. And when I cry, you just sit there, blank and expressionless. You don't even care that I am sad. So, from this moment on, our relationship is over. Please don't show your face; it will just make things harder. I can't take this anymore.

Well, until I want you back.

Sincerely,

Melissa and Therese

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Just looked at the Old Navy website because Diapers.com told me it was the LAST DAY for this sale. And let me tell you, they have the CUTEST selection of shirts, skirts, dresses, jackets, coats, jeans, etc...EVER!!! If you dont believe me, see for yourself!

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GER: It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy

Declan came home from the hospital, started crying, and wouldn't stop. He cried every day, for far longer than the three hours that are supposed to be indicative of colic. He couldn't be put down. If he wasn't asleep, and wasn't being held, and even if he WAS being held, he cried.

"Let's hope he's not colicky," my mother-in-law said, one night at dinner.

I read up on colic--no one knows what causes it, though there are suppositions that it is gas, the result of immature intestines, hyper-sensitivity to outside stimuli, and so on. There are formulas, like Enfamil Gentlease or Enfamil Neutromigen (that smell like wet dog food and cost twice as much as regular formula) or gas drops (which are really more of a cure for the helplessness that parents feel than anything else). But the good news was this: most symptoms of colic disappear after three months.
So, we took out a loan against the car and bought the dog-food-smelling formula. We did not notice a difference, save the excess, cheese-like spit up spewing from my baby after every single meal. Spit up that smelled like dog food.
We started to pay attention to his fussiest times, and noticed that they were right after he ate. When he was laid flat on his back, he cried and contracted his whole body inward, and his face turned a deep purple. He was struggling. He grunted and cried for an hour after meals, spit up profusely, passed out, and then woke up (at most) after two hours, absolutely starving. In my neurotic desperation, I looked it up in every baby book I own. The symptoms pointed to baby acid reflux, or GER, gastroesophogeal reflux. After a confirmation by his pediatrician, we were told that once his esophagus matured, probably by six months, the symptoms would fade. However, some babies deal with GER until they're almost two years old.

Two years old? Let's hope he IS colicky!

Declan was put on Enfamil AR, a thicker formula (which can also be achieved by adding 2 tsp. of cereal to a regular formula). We fed him a bottle and he took a three-hour nap, his first ever. When he got used to the formula, and was still having a little trouble, we incorporated Zantac into his routine. Not on our own, of course, but there are medications that doctors feel comfortable prescribing to slightly older infants (10 weeks and up). After that, Declan started sleeping through the night. He is a completely different baby--happy and normal-colored.
He still spits up. His spit up is reminiscent of ricotta cheese, and it happens enough that my husband and I have made created the verb "cheesed" (i.e. "he just cheesed his new shirt again"). Despite the mess, I embrace his spit up because it is no longer of exorcist proportions. Hopefully that esophagus matures within the next couple of months. Otherwise I'll have to give it some chores and more responsibilities.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rethink: Making the Most Of Baby's Clothes

As a parent, you see your kids grow out of clothes and shoes so fast that you are hesitant to even buy the right size for fear that it wont fit by the time you get home from the store.

Recently, when the weather changed here in NYC, I was looking in Emma's closet at all of her adorable summer dresses knowing that by next summer she wont be able to fit into any of them. Then, this weekend, Jesse put Emma in a summer dress and a cardigan over because it was chilly outside. I saw it and thought "YOU LOOK SO CUTE! We can do this with all of your summer dresses." So now, every day, I put her in a cute summer dress, a cardigan and maybe leggings depending on how chilly it is.

The same rule applies to sandals (only if you are a little girl). If you get a cute pair of socks, maybe one with beads, your baby can wear sandals with socks through the fall (see picture above--Emma is very, very excited).

So, I just wanted to share my discovery with all of you moms out there. I now get so excited to dress her everyday and play with her outfits. You can get these baby cardigans from many stores. I got Emma's from Baby Gap. If you buy 2 or more, they are $11 each!