Let's Talk About Sex

When we were growing up, our parents did not talk about sex, especially not as a positive aspect of a relationship. It was a very "hush hush" topic and since we weren't supposed to do it until we got married (bingo--Catholic family upbringing), why even talk about it? Mom edited out 'sex' scenes (a.k.a. partial nudity shots and suggestive making out) from movies like "Teen Wolf" and "Grease" and didn't allow us to listen to "sexy" songs like "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men (laugh it up) or "Crash" by Dave Mathews. This is all fine, and I am sure I will try and attempt the same things, even though the kids at school will gladly fill Emma, Declan, and Isabella in on all of the grimy details. However, as a result of all this "sex and nakedness is a no-no" upbringing, Melissa and I are a little modest when it comes to talking about sex and regarding our bodies. We seriously didn't even change in front of each other (sisters, mind you) without hiding all of our private parts with a towel or shirt or something within reach, and we shared a room for 18 years. Talk about a 'hidden' talent we both have now.

Now that we are both married, and God has sanctified our bond and we've gotten the green light to "know" our husbands (biblically speaking, of course), and now that we aren't going to be judged for talking about it, we enjoy the topic of sex. Not only because it is like turning 21 and drinking legally at a restaurant in front of your parents, but because it is very important in a marriage to keep your sex life alive and exciting!

Have you ever gone through a dry spell where you and your partner have not had sex in a few days, weeks, even months because you all have been busy, tired, had visitors, forgot to shave, or just feel fat? Your relationship starts to lose something, real or conceived, and you feel that the two of you begin to drift apart. Whether a wry comment by your husband about his being neglected or a smug anecdote from a friend about how she and her hubby had the most "AMAZING night," you are pushed into action. And the moment you decide to have sex, in those very precious moments afterward, you feel close to your husband again. You have bonded and the loving words just flood out of your mouth (prompting an "Are you drunk?" comment from one of you). What an amazing feeling that is! Then you think, Why dont we do this more often? And why don't you? You need to!

Of course, everyone is different when it comes to their view on how much sex is enough. Is it twice a day, twice a week, twice a month, twice a year? Many of us may think that we don't do it enough (because others may say they do it too frequently...they are lying). This is where communication is the key. It's better to discuss with your partner so that you meet in the middle.

Problem two: We don't always feel like it. And I will speak for women, here, since I can't very accurately tell you what a man thinks (although that's not exactly a tough one). So, what makes a woman want to have sex? I know, for most of us, it is when we feel sexy--when our legs are shaved and we are feeling particularly beautiful, it is ON! So, why not do these things to kick it up a notch?

1. Always have lingerie on hand! I would say 3-4 different outfits. You can even share with your sister or maybe your best best best friend. (and no, its not gross, you only wear it for a few minutes anyway) Put on that lingerie when they least expect it!

2. Keep a candle or two by your bed along with matches or a lighter. This way you can set the mood at the drop of a hat.

3. Even though unexpected sex is so much fun, you can also plan for it. Some days I wake up and think 'tonight, we are going to do it!' So I make sure I shave all of my special places, put on deodorant (because some days I forget), put on perfume, and brush my teeth for an extra "happy birthday song," make sure we are stocked with wine, etc...

4. If you are not confident enough to put on lingerie or talk dirty, MAKE YOURSELF! The more you do it, the better you will get at it and the more confident you will feel. I definitely don't think of myself as a hot sex pot, or whatever. But, I know how to act like one. I watch movies. So the more you force yourself to be a Megan Fox, the more you will feel like one!

5.Exercise! Your sexual health is connected to your overall health. Eating right and exercising will give you the energy to keep up with your sex life. Also, it is very sexy when your guy sees you taking care of your body. I totally catch Jesse checking me out at the gym when I am running. ;)

*note from Melissa--not all of us are lucky enough to be at the gym with a spouse, so don't feel sad if that doesn't ring a bell. However, excercise will improve a woman's body confidence, hence the willingness to shed clothing in front of her man.

6. Talk about sex. The day after a hot night, text your partner and say something like 'I was just remembering yada yada about last night and it made me miss you!' or 'You are the hottest man I know and you are soooo good at what you do!' It may sound cheesy and silly but play the part. Dont you want your hubby to be thinking about you while he is at work? Don't you want his coworkers and buddies to wish they had a wife/girlfriend like you?

7. Give him a hug! Ian Kerner says that "Non-sexual physical intimacy builds a foundation for sexual desire. Studies show that a 20-second hug raises oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is also known as the 'cuddle hormone' and facilitates a sense of love and connection, especially in women. Most couples don't take time to hug at all, much less for 20 seconds. " So take a time out. And hug. Twenty seconds lost is really no time at all.

8. Turn off the TV! Focus on your partner after you put the kids to bed. Pour a glass of wine and cuddle. Talk. Do it. Too many hours of precious couple time are wasted on Facebook and watching TV.

9. Let him take some pictures of you! Maybe with his phone so he can check you out anytime of the day. Or maybe take a sexy picture of yourself and send it to him. (just make sure you dont send it to the wrong person)

10. Like Nike, "Just Do It!"

What has caused sex to drop to the bottom of our to do list? Recently, I have read it is due to a number of reasons: obesity, medications, people are too busy, people are too tired, people are stressed out because of the recession, etc. Recently, CNN reported that 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages. I am not trying to sound like Cosmopolitan magazine (I can barely read the cover of the magazine before my Catholic genes order me to blush) but I am just sharing something I have come to realize. You all may already know these things, but it is always nice to talk about sex anyway.

50% off at The Body Shop - Today!

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Dear Scale...

Dear Scale,

I must write to you today because I feel you have let me down again. We have been through a lot, but no matter how hard I try, you always seem to make me feel bad about myself. I have been in relationships before, but nothing has ever been this inconsistent, unreliable and abusive as this one. Some days you are generous and make me feel good and somedays you are just downright mean. I try and try every day to make you treat me well--I do everything in my power. Sometimes it seems that the harder I try, worse you are to me. And if I slip up just once, you tell me horrible things that absolutely ruin my day.

But no matter how often I tell myself to just walk away from you, ignore you, hide you, or even throw you out the window, I just can't seem to let you go. And when I cry, you just sit there, blank and expressionless. You don't even care that I am sad. So, from this moment on, our relationship is over. Please don't show your face; it will just make things harder. I can't take this anymore.

Well, until I want you back.

Sincerely,

Melissa and Therese

OLD NAVY SALE ENDS TODAY!

Just looked at the Old Navy website because Diapers.com told me it was the LAST DAY for this sale. And let me tell you, they have the CUTEST selection of shirts, skirts, dresses, jackets, coats, jeans, etc...EVER!!! If you dont believe me, see for yourself!

http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=60116&mlink=5151,2196449,clickMain&clink=2196449

GER: It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy

Declan came home from the hospital, started crying, and wouldn't stop. He cried every day, for far longer than the three hours that are supposed to be indicative of colic. He couldn't be put down. If he wasn't asleep, and wasn't being held, and even if he WAS being held, he cried.

"Let's hope he's not colicky," my mother-in-law said, one night at dinner.

I read up on colic--no one knows what causes it, though there are suppositions that it is gas, the result of immature intestines, hyper-sensitivity to outside stimuli, and so on. There are formulas, like Enfamil Gentlease or Enfamil Neutromigen (that smell like wet dog food and cost twice as much as regular formula) or gas drops (which are really more of a cure for the helplessness that parents feel than anything else). But the good news was this: most symptoms of colic disappear after three months.
So, we took out a loan against the car and bought the dog-food-smelling formula. We did not notice a difference, save the excess, cheese-like spit up spewing from my baby after every single meal. Spit up that smelled like dog food.
We started to pay attention to his fussiest times, and noticed that they were right after he ate. When he was laid flat on his back, he cried and contracted his whole body inward, and his face turned a deep purple. He was struggling. He grunted and cried for an hour after meals, spit up profusely, passed out, and then woke up (at most) after two hours, absolutely starving. In my neurotic desperation, I looked it up in every baby book I own. The symptoms pointed to baby acid reflux, or GER, gastroesophogeal reflux. After a confirmation by his pediatrician, we were told that once his esophagus matured, probably by six months, the symptoms would fade. However, some babies deal with GER until they're almost two years old.

Two years old? Let's hope he IS colicky!

Declan was put on Enfamil AR, a thicker formula (which can also be achieved by adding 2 tsp. of cereal to a regular formula). We fed him a bottle and he took a three-hour nap, his first ever. When he got used to the formula, and was still having a little trouble, we incorporated Zantac into his routine. Not on our own, of course, but there are medications that doctors feel comfortable prescribing to slightly older infants (10 weeks and up). After that, Declan started sleeping through the night. He is a completely different baby--happy and normal-colored.
He still spits up. His spit up is reminiscent of ricotta cheese, and it happens enough that my husband and I have made created the verb "cheesed" (i.e. "he just cheesed his new shirt again"). Despite the mess, I embrace his spit up because it is no longer of exorcist proportions. Hopefully that esophagus matures within the next couple of months. Otherwise I'll have to give it some chores and more responsibilities.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rethink: Making the Most Of Baby's Clothes

As a parent, you see your kids grow out of clothes and shoes so fast that you are hesitant to even buy the right size for fear that it wont fit by the time you get home from the store.

Recently, when the weather changed here in NYC, I was looking in Emma's closet at all of her adorable summer dresses knowing that by next summer she wont be able to fit into any of them. Then, this weekend, Jesse put Emma in a summer dress and a cardigan over because it was chilly outside. I saw it and thought "YOU LOOK SO CUTE! We can do this with all of your summer dresses." So now, every day, I put her in a cute summer dress, a cardigan and maybe leggings depending on how chilly it is.

The same rule applies to sandals (only if you are a little girl). If you get a cute pair of socks, maybe one with beads, your baby can wear sandals with socks through the fall (see picture above--Emma is very, very excited).

So, I just wanted to share my discovery with all of you moms out there. I now get so excited to dress her everyday and play with her outfits. You can get these baby cardigans from many stores. I got Emma's from Baby Gap. If you buy 2 or more, they are $11 each!

My Miscarriages, My Fault?

I am 27 years old and I have a healthy little girl, so how is it possible to have 2 miscarriages in a row? My thoughts are all over the map. I go from being very rational about it all to getting completely discouraged all over again. I think, What if I can never have another baby? What if I can't enjoy being pregnant again? What if Emma is an only child? Will I hate every pregnant woman forever?

Then I try and stay positive. Because, as everyone keeps telling me, there are a lot of women who have two miscarriages in a row and then have a perfectly healthy baby. And I tell myself, Maybe Emma needs a little more attention and I will get pregnant a little later. At least I can drink wine again. At least I can have two cups of coffee in the morning if I want to. I can get back to vigorous cardio activity and try to lose a little more weight.

But, at the end of the day, I go to sleep without anything in my uterus when less than a week ago I was lying in bed rubbing my belly, telling my baby to "please hang on this time." I prayed. I made sure I wasn't doing anything morally wrong; instead of rushing by him, I would give a couple of bucks to the homeless guy on the street. I did everything more carefully--I even walked more carefully. And as women, we feel ultimately responsible for the outcome of our pregnancies, and feel guilty if our bodies aren't creating the perfect pod or the perfect 8 lb. child. The bottom line is this: if I blame myself every time something like this goes on, I will make myself insane.

I guess this is what I mean when I say my thoughts are all over map.

So, here's a message to myself and to everyone else who is reading this (and maybe you have had a miscarriage before, too): Nature takes care of things. "Miscarriage is rarely anyone's fault, and sometimes pregnancy loss is even a predetermined outcome at the time of conception" (source uknown). After all, I will have another baby, when my body is ready to do it right. And this time, it just was not right. At least I have a daughter, and I should enjoy her, enjoy my husband and enjoy our life together. I need to enjoy wine and going out with my friends. I need to take the pressure off of myself! I have been stressing out so much over my pregnancy and I am so OBSESSED with having a friend for Emma that when something like this happens, my world falls apart.

Therese, relax. Just let things happen as they happen. When the time is right, you will get pregnant again and stay pregnant. If I stay positive and happy, my family will be positive and happy. Because what I know for sure is when mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy. And lucky for me, I am already a mama.

Have you heard of DIAPERS.COM!!

As I am sure most of you have, I asked my sister the other day if she had heard of diapers.com and she hadn't! So maybe you haven't! Jesse and I always order Emma's diapers and wipes from the website and they ship to us FOR FREE in 1-2 days!!! I seriously have ordered at 8pm and received the package the next day at 4pm! Also, if you are ordering formula, you can get any kind of formula in any size and most of the time it is on sale! And, if you are a first time shopper, you get 15% off. Just check out the website at www.diapers.com.

MUST HAVES FOR THE FALL!!!

Hey guys! I know that as moms you want to be comfortable but you still want to dress trendy. I know for me, I dont want to get stuck in a track suit at home everyday. At one point, I thought I was going down that road. I started to think, if you let yourself 'go' your husband may someday let you 'go'. So, Therese, do your hair! Do your make up! Dress cute! I think it also will make you get out of your house/apartment if you do that. So, that being said, please see below.

These pull on black Jean Leggings are AMAZING! They are comfortable, flattering and inexpensive! You can find them online (here) or at Bloomingdales, Fred Segal and some boutiques. I bought them just last week and have worn them 3 times already! All my friends have complimented them and I am making Melissa buy a pair! You can wear them with boots for the fall/winter and also with a pair of flats for the 'transition' time between summer and fall.

http://www.shopvintagehavana.com/product_detail.asp?s_cid=260&s_pid=11889&colorid=3&NumRec=3&ItemNum=0

Next, a pair of fun flats! These are Tory Burch but you can get something similar from other stores I am sure. These are particularly comfortable and cute! You can throw them on with your new 'jeggings' or a pair of skinny jeans! SUPER FUN!

http://www.shoesshopnow.com/tory-burch-flats-leopard-p-8723.html

I also just bought a thin black belt that you can wear with anything! A nice blouse, a dress, a t-shirt, etc... It really dresses up the outfit!

Here is one that is very inexpensive from Target!

http://www.shopvintagehavana.com/shared/images/products/midsize11889-3.jpg

Or here is a Michael Kors stretchy studded black belt that is very cute!

http://www.michaelkors.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod8480004&parentId=cat146&masterId=cat144&cmCat=cat000000cat101cat144cat146&index=2&tid=V1

Stay tuned for more!

$10 Walgreens Giftcard if you spend $30 on Revlon or Nexxus products

This is just because I know my mom LOVES Nexxus shampoo and conditioner, this coupon stuck out to me. Of course they say 'Get $10 off a $30 purchase of select Revlon and Nexxus products' and then when you go to the website it says 'Get a $10 Walgreens gift card with a mail-in rebate'. Anyway, looks simple enough. And if you use these products anyway, here is the website you go to.

http://www.walgreens.com/images/pdfs/10BF0034_SeptBeauty_Rebate.pdf

Wicked Stepmothers

When I met Nick, I'd just gotten out of a five year relationship with a single father, a full-time single father, and the devestation of splitting up with his son was enough to make me want to take a break from blended relationships. However, Nick was and is perfect for me, and when I met Isabella, then five years old, I couldn't resist. Like a crack head loves his crack, I love single fathers and their children. Hence, another untraditional family was born.
The unflattering label of "stepmother" is a tricky hurdle when all you're trying to do is make life as normal as possible for your new kid. If you're a woman marrying a man with a little girl, it can be even more difficult. When I first began dating Nick, Isabella frankly told me that she would miss his former girlfriend, and that it was "no offense" to me, but that she just wished he was still dating her instead of me. Most women would take offense to this, and I might have, had I not had previous experience with a single dad. And my exprerience taught me the following:

You are not a replacement, a superhero, or a savior.

In my experiences, both mothers were, and still are, scarce in their children's lives, and the most important thing to understand is that they aren't interested in replacing their mothers. The best label for what you are is "parent," which is pretty much a glorified big sister. However, the sooner you embrace this label the easier your transition will be and the easier the role will be to fill. At first, spend time with them as if you are the most fun babysitter on earth. Make messes-- let them play with your makeup and make potions out of your spice cabinet. Take them to get extremely unhealthy food, make tents out of sheets, and talk their dads into letting them skip a bath every now and again. This will let the child know you're fun, you're into them as much as you're into dad, and that you want to hang out with them, too--you're not just over at their house to steal dad's attention away from them.
Then, work your way into the role of an older sibling. Clean up their scrapes, hug them when they cry, help them with their homework and teach them how to do new things. From that point on, you can evolve into a parental figure and start off very slowly with any sort of discipline. Really, the father should be the primary disciplinarian, and while you can, and should, handle more serious behavior issues, the small things should be left to dad. In this way, you aren't trying to be their mother. You are simply the other adult in the household that cares for and loves them.

It takes time for them to see a permenance in your relationship with their single father, and they, particularly girls, are fairly protective of the most important man in their lives. Establishing permenance takes patience, but once the child sees that you're not going anywhere, that you're not scared off, they will become more comfortable with you and more accepting of your relationship with their dads.

Never, ever bad mouth the mama.

You don't like anyone talking bad about your mother, no matter how crazy she may be. The same goes for your stepchild. They don't want to hear anything negative about their mothers, particularly if mom isn't around much and shows a lack of parenting skills. It can be embarassing for them when mom does let them down, so soften the blow by keeping your mouth shut or by reassuring them.
Isabella talks about her mom a lot, especially when she hasn't seen her for a while and is insecure about how much her mom loves her. And despite my negative feelings about the constant disappointment Isabella feels and bad decisions that her mom makes, I bite my tongue. It means something to Bella that I don't say anything negative, and sometimes I even say positive things about her mom. Everyone has some good in them, right? Try, very hard, to find it and exaggerate it into goodness.

You are making a difference.

Whether you feel it or not, you are enriching your stepchild's life because you love them and care for them. Particularly if you are making up for the shortcomings of their biological mothers. It will take time for this to be apparent, and even longer for your stepchild to notice or appreciate it. But it will happen. Be adult, be mature, realize that this is a kid--they love their biological parents and they don't want to find fault in them. Try to be aware of the pain that they may be feeling because coming from a split home is devastating for most children. When you want to say something out of impatience, jealousy, or just flat out annoyance, don't.
In the end, you will have a rewarding relationship that extends beyond the bounds of biological parents and children. My sister told me, at the beginning of my marriage to Nick, "Just think of what amazing friends you and Bella will be when she grows up."
I see it now, and she's right. And every time Bella and I laugh about a TV show, gossip about the boys at her school, or pig out on candy together, I remember how grateful I am to have the chance to make a friend like her.

THE BEST BANANA CRUMB MUFFINS EVER!!!!

I have made them 6 times since I found this recipe! Everyone who tries them, LOVES THEM! IF you want to impress someone, this is what you bake!

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 bananas, mashed
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1/3 cup butter, melted
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon butter

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease 10 muffin cups, or line with muffin papers.
2. In a large bowl, mix together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. In another bowl, beat together bananas, sugar, egg and melted butter. Stir the banana mixture into the flour mixture just until moistened. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups.
3. In a small bowl, mix together brown sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and cinnamon. Cut in 1 tablespoon butter until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal. Sprinkle topping over muffins.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 18 to 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean.

The Moms at the Swings...

So, when I first started to go to 'the swings' close to our apartment, I met a lot of moms. I actually had about 10 new numbers in my phone from moms I had met at the park. I started to wonder one day 'If I want to have a play-date for Emma so badly, why dont I pick of the phone and call one of these moms?'

Then, looking back on my initial conversations with them, I realized why I didn't. They all asked me the same 3 questions. What does your husband do? Do you rent or own? What classes do you have your daughter in?.....Seriously....Thats why I didn't call them. I should have said "my husband is a garbage man, we live with my parents because we cant afford rent, and I dont believe in baby classes." Then I would have never got their numbers and wouldn't be in this predicament.

Furthermore, these 'classes' they are putting their 3month olds in are swimming and tumbling and music class? REALLY? And they are like $900 for once a week classes for 12 weeks. I am just watching them push their babies in the swings as they hang like limp dolls, drooling all over themselves. I am glad those classes are working out for you.

The Scarlet "F"

Hello, my name is Melissa, and I chose not to breastfeed.

I truly do think we, and there are very few of us, and we are marked with a scarlet "F" (FORMULA FED), need our own support group. We know the benefits of breastfeeding, we are inundated with statistics, health benefits, and even bribes ("You will burn 600 + calories a day!"), but we have still chosen, for whatever reason, to formula feed our children.
What kind of woman, what kind of mother, chooses to bottle feed when she could breast feed her child? What kind of monster does such a thing?
Nevermind that some mothers spend weekends partying it up and leaving children with nannies or grandparents, never mind that some mothers take their children with them on illegal drug dealing vacations, never mind that some mothers leave their babies and young children in the car when they go places, even locking them in the car with the keys, but I am a terrible mother because I don't breastfeed.
Maybe women with DD cup-sized breasts just don't want to add an extra ten pounds to their chests for six months; maybe we aren't up for having to keep our arms akimbo all day because we can't lay them flat at our sides. It seems to me, and this is just my experience, that the biggest breastfeeding campaigners are also members of the "itty bitty...." fill in the rest.

EASY AND YUMMY "Chicken and Rice Casserole"

I really like making this chicken and rice casserole during busy week nights. It only takes a few minutes to assemble and my hubby loves it.

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour, 10 minutes

Ingredients:

2 cups uncooked Minute Rice
1 package Lipton's Onion Soup Mix, dry
1 cup water
Boneless, skinless chicken (About 12 small thighs or 6 large chicken breasts, cut in half.)
McCormick's Montreal Steak Seasoning (or any other seasoning you prefer.)
1 can cream of chicken soup, mixed with 1 1/2 cups chicken broth (or water)
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (optional)

Preparation:
In 12 x 9 baking dish, pour the 2 cups of uncooked Minute Rice. Sprinkle the dry soup mix over this evenly. Pour the one cup water over rice and soup mix. Arrange the chicken pieces on top of the rice; sprinkle with the Montreal seasoning to taste.
Pour the cream of chicken soup/broth or water mixture over all. Sprinkle with cheese if desired. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees F for about 60-70 minutes. Let it sit for about 5 minutes or so before serving. Makes about 6 servings.

*You can substitute other cream-of soups, like cream of mushroom, if you want.

*You can also use whole grain for a healthier option and leave off the cheese.

Get 30% off at Gap/Banana Republic/Old Navy Today!

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Welcome to our blog!

Recently, my sister, Melissa, and I were talking on the phone (which we do 2-3 times a day) and we talked about starting a blog for all moms who were going through what we are going through. Just the every day mom activities, challenges and day to day routines. We are going to post recipes, coupons, sales, stories (funny) and cool things to do in your area with your kiddos. Melissa lives in El Paso, TX and I live in NYC, so you will get the best of both worlds! Welcome to Moms and Babes!!!!